Fuck Fear

Perhaps the title of this post is a tad immature but really we are all just talking to ourselves right? The purpose of this blog is not necessarily to offend (though that is an honest by-product of any good critical writing), but to thoroughly explore spirituality for the true seeker, those wishing to evolve to their greatest potential. Our evolution could be measured by how easily our authentic self is offered to the world. Right now I am calling this exploration "beyond spirituality," as it is my experience that we get on the train of seeking through imposed form, only to be dropped off eventually in a no-man's land called "our life." One could also call this "our self." For me, religions such as buddhism, taoism, and hinduism allowed me an opportunity to aquire tools for looking deeply, and transforming states of mind. I still use these tools regularly, namely meditation and various forms of prayer, but the questions have changed from "What religion am I?" and "Who is my Lama?" to "What do I enjoy?" and "What other way can I say fuck you to fear?" In truth, I thought I was beginning my quest with these questions, as a nineteen year old girl really into drug abuse and for some reason dying to learn meditation. However, as a thirty-one year old, I realize now that these new questions are being asked with a much deeper level of authenticity. This is the type of authenticity that can only be reached through having gone through many states of consciousness, none of which have conceptual frameworks or explanations, but which elucidate simply how much the human mind cannot grasp. In addition I have the benefit (ha!) of having to deal and have dealt with various formations of trauma and difficult psychological states as many of us had, plus three wonderful years of therapy. So in other words, the simplicity of "beyond spirituality," which perhaps should read "beyond spirituality: life as it is," has been reached not through a morning whim but through a hard won occasional emergence from undying complexity.

That said, onward:

"Beyond spirituality" has an underlying question: once we have emerged from imposed form, into chosen form, do we then create framework again? I suspect this is choiceless, as framework is simply a part of the mind, so then how do we create a framework based on chosen form in spirituality? I suspect that this is precisely what Ken Wilber is doing and I seriously need to do my homework and read more of his Integral Theory. However, not having done that, I still enjoy speculating about a theory of seeking truth which has eliminated imposed form and instead integrates chosen form. I believe this is what many artists have been doing since the beginning of human thought. Art for me is a particularly exciting chosen form as it is by nature limitless.

I am curious also about the need for my extreme irritation toward buddhist communities and yoga communities (not all of them I am sure, just the ones I have encountered so far!) If we are all truly needed exactly as we are as a perfect compliment to the universe as it is (and I do believe this is true even though we are un-pin-downable, and ever-changing) then surely my irritation is welcomed as well! That is also a part of this blog: a channeling of irritation with spiritual community that cannot entertain chosen form, or at least in an evolved sense. I do not say this lightly, as I myself have been harmed by the imposed form view (that is, those who will tell you you are going to buddhist hell for telling an enlightenened being that they are, simply, wrong), and so this blog is also an important opportunity for me to become less insecure with the self authority of chosen form.

I will stop there for today.